Our Inaugural Post.

In keeping with the overall goal of this endeavor, I am pledging to not break my commitment to my promise/project.
Welcome to my new blog "Refined Like Sugar" wherein I one Miss Nico Bella- take on the intimidating task of teaching myself a thing or two about manners and what it means in 2011 to be a "lady".

I turned 36 in May of this year and all the sudden it hit me like a ton of lead. Here I was 4 years away from 40 and slumping more and more in to the life of someone I did not want to be- unkempt, unrefined and just feeling all around tacky.
Blame it on laziness, low blood sugar or just too much Portland but I feel like I am regressing in to a person who cannot navigate socially like I used to. I have lost my polish and devolved in to a dumpy, frumpy, punk rock slob.
So, it is time to change and because this is 2011 isn't it mandatory when embarking on some sort of major chrysalis to painstakingly document it and put it up for the world to read?
I have to admit that I was deeply inspired by a movie. It seems like every summer I pick a film that repeats on cable and I watch it over and over again. In 2009 it was Forgetting Sarah Marshall and last year it was Julie and Julia. I felt a real kinship with Julie ( despite me not finding her  likable) as she floundered in feeling unfulfilled. In her blog project she not only found ritual but she found an enthusiasm for cooking that ignited her great passion, writing.
So I am hoping that by embarking on learning a thing or 365  that I can develop an enthusiasm for something that ignites my great passion for living.
Now, I am not out to crib Julie Powell's format. Let's just say I am inspired by her as she was inspired by Julia Child.
Julia also inspired me because at 37 she really began her life. It was at 37 she started attending the Cordon Bleu School of Cooking and changed her life--and in turn changed the world of food for good.
I have to admit, at 36 I have all but given up on myself. I feel old and as though I wasted so much time.
I have failed at a good many things in the last few years, made way too enemies, burned countless bridges and finally, it seems that my ability to dust myself off, re-work, revive and shine has exhausted it's motor.
I hit the ground this last time and I just stayed there. 
I have very little passion for the things I used to love so dearly and I find myself too frightened to give myself over to anything new. I lack confidence where I used to be so very bold and worst of all, I feel without grace and sophistication.
So again, I change....recently I was unpacking some books that had been stored at my mothers for many years. In the boxes I found my collection of  vintage etiquette and grooming books. Now some of them are laughable but across the boards they all agree if you do things a certain way, you will do better in this life.

I have been fascinated by etiquette my entire life. I dreamed of going to Charm School and lazily drifting around drawing rooms in Dior New Look dresses ( because apparently Charm School also allowed me to time travel) wear gloves and drink tea. Clearly someone forgot to inform me that we lived in a rental house  and that the debutante ball did not visit Southeast Portland.
However,This love of all things dainty and ladylike was eclipsed by a rebellious streak that causes me to act like a wolverine when told what to do.
This was considered "willful" in my childhood,"rebellious" in my teen years, "wild" in my 20's and now that I am in my 30's? To quote my dear friend Nicolette ""yeah...not so much" It is simply, "Not Charming"
I , like a lot of women my age  have pretty harsh opinions about what being " ladylike" means. I mean what does the word mean to you?  Most women equate it with sissy, prissy, uppity, snooty snobbery... and I have to admit, even for all my love of white gloves and full skirts the idea of biting my tongue or being prim makes me shudder. Let's face it,it makes most women shudder. Just because I equate it with these things does not mean that it has to be true and the more I think about it- conducting myself with some grace, manners and decorum gives me the one thing I adore above all. The upper hand.
So, perhaps it is time to reconsider the word "Lady" and renegotiate what that means to me- now in my modern world and with my modern problems that my beloved Emily Post might not quite know how to handle.
Being a lady does not mean I have to be passive, meek or mild. In fact acting like a lady ( and believe me some days it will feel more like acting) allows for better boundaries, making yourself entirely clear at all times and living day to day with all around appropriateness that at least to me is comforting.
So here's to the first entry.  Tomorrow we are going to tackle the handbag and not looking like a bag lady when you commute.

Oh, and for the record. Julia Sugarbaker is my power animal